This morning was one of those mornings I feel torn between my career and my family, selfish for liking my job.
Walker woke up in an awful mood (one of the wonderful traits he inherited from his mother) and didn’t want to go to school. His tummy hurt and he didn’t want to get dressed, brush his teeth - do anything really that would propel us closer to getting out the door.
Finally, we successfully checked the morning to-dos off the list and we were backing out the driveway, only one minute behind schedule, according to the car clock.
“Mommie, why do I have to go to after school. I don’t like after school. Why can’t you pick me up in the carpool?”
I feel it right in the gut, all I hear is “Mommie, why can’t you pick me up like the other kids that get picked up in the carpool lane?”
Then I proceed to tell him how much I know he loves after school and how some of his friends wish they could go to after school but they can’t and how he will get to see his girlfriend Sydney and will get to play with her…
“But mommmmmmmieeeeeee, I don’t want to go to after school. It’s boooooooooring.”
There wasn’t really much else to say. I chalked it up to the bad mood, flipped on some KidzBop and we jammed the rest of the way to school.
This afternoon when I pick him up, he’ll talk about how much fun he had in after school and tomorrow he will tell me he doesn’t want daddy to pick him up early because he wants to go to after school.
But I’ll still have the ever-present mommy guilt, constantly torn between what’s good for him and what’s good for our family. Wondering if the choices I make today are right for our tomorrow. And as all mommies know, the mommie guilt stays and lingers, long after the kids have moved on to the next thing.
I'm not a mom (yet), but I think this is something that moms struggle with no matter what they do in regards to working or staying at home. I truly believe the philosophy that you are the best to those you love when you take care of yourself. And, if taking care of yourself means a career that you love then who is to tell you that you're wrong? From all that we see, Walker is a lucky kid to have you for a mom. :)
ReplyDeleteWhile I have never been in this situation, I certainly am too familiar with the Mommy guilt. Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves?? I feel guilty if I don't spend enough time with mine, or if I let her get too off schedule. It's insane. But.. I'll keep doing it. Just chalk his up to it being morning time. I pretty much hate everything in the morning so I know how he feels!
ReplyDeleteAs someone who is 21 weeks pregnant I have been struggling with wanting to stay home while my baby is a baby and working full time. Its hard especially when your income depends on it.
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain! My son went to preschool for 2.5 years and had to stay in aftercare until I could pick him up at 5:30 each day. All I heard was "why can't you pick me up earlier?" and I would feel that Mommy guilt, too. Now, he is in kindergarten and I reworked by schedule so that I now go in early and get off in time to pick him up as to avoid aftercare and all I hear is "why can't I go to aftercare with the others?" It is a no win situation and I just wanted you to know you are not alone. Also, when looking at the photos of your sons first days, I realized that I had the same blue gown and robe when my son was born:) Hang in there!!!
ReplyDeleteI am so blessed to be a stay (work) at home mom. I know its not for everyone but I wouldn't change a thing. We are willing to make sacrifices elsewhere so we can maintain my at home status. I take her to school and pick her up. We have never had to leave her with a sitter. Regardless of the choices you make there is always guilt over decisions you make in one way or another. So it's not just for working moms.
ReplyDeleteI think your Mommy-guilt is proof of how much your love your son and what an amazing mom you really are.
Seriously- the Lord brought your blog to me at just the right time. As a working mom of an only child, every post you've put up in the past weeks since I found your blog has spoken RIGHT to me. Thank you so much for your honesty and transparency. I appreciate it greatly.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry cuz - if you were staying home with him you would feel guilty about how much Walker missed his school buddies. Trust me on this!
ReplyDeleteI am so glad I am not the only momma who struggles with this! I was trying to get out the door this morning with my 2-year-old when she told me she didn't want to go to MeMe's house to play with her little cousin Gus today (while I went to work) because Gus doesn't know how to share!!! Imagine, a 2-year-old not knowing how to share? Ha.
ReplyDeleteI'm a SAHM and I struggle with mommy guilt EVERY day of my life! You have to do what is best for your family, and if that means being a working mom then SO BE IT. Your son is blessed to have a loving mom. Not all kids have that. ;o) Once lil' man is older I def plan on heading back to work. I would most likely go crazy at home all day in a quiet house... Hope the rest of your mornings this week are much better than this one!
ReplyDeleteOh girl! I couldn't have said it better myself. That guilt factor gets us every time. This year I'm becoming a rebel and I'm GOING GUILTLESS (gasp)!
ReplyDeleteBtw, what kind of a filter did you use for this image? It's awesome ... is it done in photoshop? Looks a little like a peony finish. I'd love to know the secret... (you know, from one graphic designer to another ....)
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how this feels! I have had similar ?s from my 7 yr old son. Ugh...
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