For so long I've held back on my blog because I was scared I'd lose readers and worried that I would anger someone, but I'm done with that. And in all honestly, I'm not trying to upset anyone or criticize, but let's be honest - in the never-ending debate of working vs. non-working mommies, someone's feelings are always gonna get hurt.
So let's throw caution to the wind ... working moms - this one's for you.
I woke up this morning, rolled over to snuggle with my little guy (yes he still ends up in the bed with me most nights) and watched as he slowly opened his eyes and smiled. He looked and me and said, "Mommie, I want waffles."
And so it goes each morning. I wake around 7:00, get Mike to warm up some waffles, or do it myself, then shower, dress...and off to school.
And it's all we've ever known.
When he was 4 months old - same thing - yep, different breakfast - no waffles then, but he was off to daycare and I was off to work.
And I don't feel guilty about it. And neither should you.
I'm not a bad mom because I go to work. And I'm not a bad mom because I enjoy my job. I'm also not a bad mom because I wasn't there every single second he was growing up. I saw his first step - probably - who knows - I can't remember now - but I was out of town when he lost his first tooth - and he's Ok - and I'm ok with that. (Daddy did have to do tooth fairy duty and a $20 bill was involved.)
Ask my mom - I can't mentally handle being a mommie 24 hours a day one-on-one. I wasn't built that way and guess what - there are a lot of other moms like me out there as well. I can throw solutions around in the corporate office just as quick as I can have dinner on the table after picking up from after school and walking in the door. I don't get joy or pleasure out of packing the cutest lunch in the classroom and I don't feel like I've deprived my child because I wasn't there every moment of toddler-hood and he had to make friends and be exposed to germs.
Our children need some time to grow and explore without us forming this protective little bubble around them - that's how they develop character and can handle it when not everyone on the team is given a trophy at the end of the season. We can't be there to protect them when they are 20 and their college boyfriend or girlfriend dumps them or cheats on them - and boys, especially - need to be boys. They need time to be rough and tough and get bruises and scrapes - and yes, my son plays tackle football - because that's where he gets his joy. And no, I don't freak out about it.
My son and I have the strongest bond I think that could be possible. And he's so funny, and talented and smart. If I could do it all over again, I'd do it exactly the same way.
Sure, sometimes there is a tiny little twinge of guilt when he wants to know why I can't pick him up early from afterschool...but that's why I'm writing this entry. So I can go back and read it myself when I need a little pick-me-up and confirmation that I'm making the right choice.
It's 2012 - and it's ok to be a working mommie. You should be proud you can manage it all and still raise cute little guys and gals. (You remember that too Wendy)
So let's throw caution to the wind ... working moms - this one's for you.
I woke up this morning, rolled over to snuggle with my little guy (yes he still ends up in the bed with me most nights) and watched as he slowly opened his eyes and smiled. He looked and me and said, "Mommie, I want waffles."
And so it goes each morning. I wake around 7:00, get Mike to warm up some waffles, or do it myself, then shower, dress...and off to school.
And it's all we've ever known.
When he was 4 months old - same thing - yep, different breakfast - no waffles then, but he was off to daycare and I was off to work.
And I don't feel guilty about it. And neither should you.
I'm not a bad mom because I go to work. And I'm not a bad mom because I enjoy my job. I'm also not a bad mom because I wasn't there every single second he was growing up. I saw his first step - probably - who knows - I can't remember now - but I was out of town when he lost his first tooth - and he's Ok - and I'm ok with that. (Daddy did have to do tooth fairy duty and a $20 bill was involved.)
Ask my mom - I can't mentally handle being a mommie 24 hours a day one-on-one. I wasn't built that way and guess what - there are a lot of other moms like me out there as well. I can throw solutions around in the corporate office just as quick as I can have dinner on the table after picking up from after school and walking in the door. I don't get joy or pleasure out of packing the cutest lunch in the classroom and I don't feel like I've deprived my child because I wasn't there every moment of toddler-hood and he had to make friends and be exposed to germs.
Our children need some time to grow and explore without us forming this protective little bubble around them - that's how they develop character and can handle it when not everyone on the team is given a trophy at the end of the season. We can't be there to protect them when they are 20 and their college boyfriend or girlfriend dumps them or cheats on them - and boys, especially - need to be boys. They need time to be rough and tough and get bruises and scrapes - and yes, my son plays tackle football - because that's where he gets his joy. And no, I don't freak out about it.
My son and I have the strongest bond I think that could be possible. And he's so funny, and talented and smart. If I could do it all over again, I'd do it exactly the same way.
Sure, sometimes there is a tiny little twinge of guilt when he wants to know why I can't pick him up early from afterschool...but that's why I'm writing this entry. So I can go back and read it myself when I need a little pick-me-up and confirmation that I'm making the right choice.
It's 2012 - and it's ok to be a working mommie. You should be proud you can manage it all and still raise cute little guys and gals. (You remember that too Wendy)
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this post! I am due with my first child on Nov. 5th, and already, going back to work is something I struggle with. I feel jealousy creep up when I think of families who can afford for the mother to stay home with the children. That is not a luxury we can afford. And I keep telling myself that it is okay to be a working mom. That our daughter will make friends at daycare and thrive and not think I'm one bit less of a mother than someone who stays home with their kids.
ReplyDeleteI needed this today as I struggle through the last week of work before maternity leave and already have anxiety about coming back. You've reinforced to me that everything will, in fact, be okay once my maternity leave ends!
Thanks, Wendy!
AMEN!!!!!! Thank you for this!
ReplyDeleteYou made me cry at 9:51 am Wendy! I too struggled when I went back to work - I thought Ryan would forget me - have a stronger bond with his dad - resent me not being the mom that was there all the time - but when I look back, it's amazing how, a day at a time, you make it all work - you fit more into a day as a working mother, than others - you get them to school - you sneak away at lunch or take off a bit early to participate in a school function - you use your "sacred" vacation time to chaperone a field trip - you volunteer for evening PTA positions - sacrificing the yoga classes, book clubs, Junior League - all those great things the other moms are doing - but whatever it takes - you find a way to "do" for him all through the years - and before you know it...he's applying to colleges...and he's leaning on you to help make decisions - he to talk to about "stuff" - he needs you to be there when things aren't "just right".... and HE knows you've worked hard to give him a pretty cool life, and YOU know he's going to make good on that life... and day he'll tell his kids about his mom - how she worked - but always had time for him and gave him all that needed or wanted plus much much MORE....
ReplyDeleteAmen! I'm so glad you said this and stand up for working Moms. Knowing I will never have the ability to be a SAHM when I become a Mommy has made me question having children at all. My Mom worked all my life and I don't feel like I had any less of a childhood than my friends who had Mom's that stayed home. Bless you for saying what most feel, but wont say!
ReplyDeleteTHANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! You are a dear for posting this and you've hit the nail on the head for sure! I will be re-reading this post again I know. I've never quite understood the "mommy guilt" and why we're cursed with it. Must've been something Eve did... When Owen started kindergarten, I worried about him not eating his lunch, so I tried thought I'd try making him cute little bento boxes to get the healthy stuff in. Turns out, I its something I really love doing (for now!) After I posted one or two of my cuter pics on facebook, I got a couple of comments from friends saying, "You're making me look like a bad mom," or "I suck." Well... I stopped posting there (and only stick to Instagram, where I get the ideas from and less of my friends are!) The last thing I want to do is make another mom feel what I already feel. I'm probably doing this out of mommy guilt for working in the first place! You can't win.
ReplyDeleteNow can you post one about how it's okay to only have ONE child!? :-) I give myself a pep talk on that one frequently. I know you feel me here...
Your love for your son shines throughout your blog! It's obvious you're a great mommy! Love your blog!
ReplyDeleteLadies, we don't have to justify to anyone. I have been a stay at home mom and then a working mom. Now I'm retired from the corporate world and watch our grandsons (2 and 4) Mon-Fri while their mommy and daddy work. Both are tough stressful jobs. When you know yourself and follow that guide you will be a better mom no matter which you are, working outside the home or a SAHM. Just enjoy each day, both jobs will be over and a memory before you know it.
ReplyDeleteAmen lady.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Wendy:) I have been struggling with trying to be a mom and a good employee...and it is rough! It's the hardest thing I have ever done...but I know Emma will thank me, and I know as time goes by it will get easier. So, thank you again for validating my feelings today!
ReplyDeleteGreat job! It sounds like you and your husband are a great team...as are my husband and I. Our kids are now 26 and 22. They are wonderful, bright, and successful. I was always a working mom. Sometimes from home but mostly outside the home. I could have stayed home but I would have been terrible at it. I have not a single regret.
ReplyDeleteI haven't read the other responses and I am behind in pretty much everything in life right now, including blog reading ;) But, you said it so well!!!!!!!! AMEN sista!
ReplyDelete